Cover via Amazon
In 2006, both a contact I knew online and a friend from college both recommended Keith Ferrazzi‘s book “Never Eat Alone.” I didn’t need any further prodding; I bought it and read it. Then I read it again, much more slowly and deliberately. It transformed the way I look at building relationships.
Building Relationships for Fun and Profit – 12 Tips
Each week we find ourselves in different situations where we’re meeting people, opportunities to develop relationships. These situations require different approaches, depending on whether you’re in a large or small setting. Tomorrow the New Media Cincinnati community is meeting together to do just that. So, as your power tip for August, here are 12 principles from Never Eat Alone.
Mindset – Preparation
Don’t go into an opportunity to meet others cold. To help you get the right mindset:
- First, stop networking and resolve to make friends instead. The chance encounter can turn into a blossoming friendship.
- Don’t keep score. Give BEFORE you receive. Approach building relationships with a generosity mindset and determine to be helpful.
- Have a mission and purpose in mind, both for yourself and your strategy. Why are you attending this event? What do you hope to get out of it?
- Build it before you need it – whom do you already know that can help you reach your goals? Start building now for the future.
- Do your homework! Since 2008 I’ve been using Eventbrite to organize New Media Cincinnati events. Those who’ve registered get a place to put their information, what they’re looking for help with, etc. Use this list to learn more about who you’ll be meeting, and it will help you in your conversations with them. Maybe someone is having a problem that you can help them with. Here’s the link to the August 2011 event.
During the encounter
You’ve made it to the event. You see a number of people walking around. It’s time to engage in conversations. What do you do?
- Find shared interests. This is key to being able to “click” with one another. If it’s not obvious, you and the person you’re talking to have an interest in the event you’re attending. That is always a great starting point. Doing your homework will also provide conversations starters.
- Be sincere. Pay attention. Remember names. Capture details about what you learn from those you talk to. Ferrazzi mentions that Bill Clinton would often step away after talking to people and make notes in a small notebook. I like to use the back of a business card to write down date, place, and any other information that will help provide context when I refer to it later.
- Never eat alone. This is the title of the book for a good reason. Look for ways to connect in-person, not just online. Meeting together at a New Media Cincinnati event is just one of these ways. Everyone has to eat; share that time with someone you’re getting to know.
- Master what Keith calls the “Deep Bump”. In a large group with many people, you might not have an opportunity have a long conversation with someone. So quickly make contact, establish the connection for a future meeting, and move on. New Media Cincinnati may or may not be such an occasion to use the “Deep Bump”.
Afterward and Beyond
After meeting someone, you’re not done. To be successful going forward:
- Follow-up or die. Seriously – within 12-24 hours. Use the phone, email, LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, Google Plus, etc. to continue to establish the connection and provide a means for continuing the conversation.
- Keep it personal but not too efficient. While technology enables us to efficiently connect and communicate, be careful not to overdo it. Automated, mass-messaging may be efficient but might not be effective. Go for the personal message.
- Never stop. Keep this mindset. Keith says we need to “ping constantly.” That means staying in touch often. Holidays are great occasions, but greetings are usually sent to everyone at this time. The birthday, on the other hand, is the most important day to someone. Make time to say something special for a friend’s birthday. You might be one of the few to do so.
So there you have it. Twelve tips for building better relationships for fun and profit. I’ve purposely left out the many more tips included in Never Eat Alone. If you haven’t read it, I can’t recommend it enough.
Now it’s your turn. What has worked for you in building and fostering your relationships with others?
About Daniel Johnson, Jr.
Daniel Johnson, Jr. founded New Media Cincinnati in 2007 to address the need for people in the Greater Cincinnati area connecting online to connect in-person. Since then, the group has grown to be one of the most-active networking groups of its kind in the area. Together with the Steering Committee, they continue to volunteer their time to help make this group the best version of itself. Connect with Daniel on Google+.
